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Jokes about the lack of sex in marriage are just common place. Grooms get winks and nudges these days from their friends at the wedding telling them to be prepared to be celibate rather than celebrate. While research has shown that's far from true, because married people have sex far more frequently than singles, there has to be some grain of truth for this myth to be so pervasive.

Husbands & wives do view sex differently though. These differences lead to disagreements, hurt feelings and ultimately resentment if they are not dealt with quick enough.

Typically the sexual relationship in a marriage is perceived as significantly more important to men than it is for women. If this sexual relationship is struggling, men are much more likely to describe the marriage as a whole as being "in trouble" than women are.

Why is this?

Men closely tie their personal identity with their sexual identity. More simply said, men tend to feel like there is something wrong with them personally if the sexual aspect of their marriage is not going well. By nature, men are problem solvers so they will start making an effort to "fix" the problem right away. If these efforts fail, their feelings of inadequacy only increase.

As this feeling of inadequacy rises, men start to begin questioning their competence in numerous life areas outside, even the marriage. The thought process goes something like this: "If I can't please my wife enough for her to want to have sex with me, what kind of man am I?" Over time, this negative view of himself as a man, can become pervasive affecting how he feels about his job, his friendships, even his entire family.

This idea may seem completely foreign to women. But take sex out of the equation. Women do the same things when it comes to aspects of the marriage that are a priority for them. If they feel they are making a concerted effort to make their husbands happy and never get any acknowledgment about it, women's thinking tends to get skewed in this direction as well.

So, while women may see the "Not tonight, honey" as just a statement of being tired, men see it as a rejection of their person hood if it occurs repeatedly. If you are continually rejecting them as a person, then there must be something wrong with them. If this rejection continues over time men become very resentful and it can cause a huge wedge in the marriage.

Does this mean wives should never refuse sex? No. But it's important that as a couple you talk about this openly. If the wife has had a particularly difficult day and her husband attempts to initiate sex, she needs to be very clear why she doesn't want to at that point to lessen the likelihood that her husband will take it personal. Rather than rolling over and going to sleep, come up with a compromise on when having sex would be good. I frequently encourage my coaching clients that when this happens, it's now up to the wife to follow through on this plan and initiate sex.

It's essential that wives realize just how differently their husbands view this interaction in order to avoid it becoming a stumbling block in their marriage. At the same time, husbands need to be up front in an assertive (not demanding) way as to how the rejection affects them.

Are you interested in learning more about creating a more intimate marriage? I invite you to download our free audio, "Daytime Parents & Nighttime Lovers" by visiting http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/9117audiosignup.htm today.

Brought to you by Alyssa Johnson from http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_Johnson


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